Hi blog, it’s been a while, but I’m back. I think that’s how it’s gonna be, I’ll just post when I’ve got something, not when I don’t, and damn the schedule.
So what has happened since last I posted? I enrolled in college, got a promotion, got a gym membership, and made a bit of progress on cleaning up my finances. It’s been a year, so I guess that’s a good amount to get done in that time. It’s interesting how little it takes to get a feeling of personal agency after spending a while letting yourself drift from situation to situation without putting any real effort into controlling which direction you go. Was there a specific catalyst? Well yes, but I don’t think that it would’ve had a whole lot of effect in a vacuum. I was in a good situation to hear it: work was going very well, life’s necessities started making more demands, and I had more brainspace to devote to how to get to where I want to go rather than just how to keep treading water.
So the catalyst? There was this post from Zen Pencils last year that really hit me. Zen Pencils puts inspirational quotes to art, and historically is kind of hit or miss, but when it hits, it hits hard. And this one hit hard. Chris Hadfield, astronaut, YouTube and Twitter star, and the best Canadian ever, supplied this quote in a Reddit AMA while he was orbiting on the ISS in early 2013.
“Don’t let life randomly kick you into the adult you don’t want to become.”
Wow. Cause fuck if that isn’t exactly what I’ve done over the past decade. But the thing is, even at 32 I barely consider myself an adult. I’m still growing, developing, learning; I just had an unusually long adolescence. Hell, if I have my way about it, I’ll have an eternal adolescence, since I don’t ever want to be satisfied. I always want to reach for that next target, do that next thing, be more than I am the day before.
It’s a slow slog to where I ultimately want to go though. That’s the hurdle I need to face down. I need to learn to better accept the smaller steps on the way to where I’m going.